DECEMBER 15TH, 2024
It's a quick start for tonight's episode of ECW Anarchy, as once the opening intro finishes, we are taken directly to the ring where a match is ready to take place.
STEPHEN DeANGELIS: The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, already in the ring, this is MATT SYDAL!
Sydal gives a wave to the crowd who give him a light round of applaude.
JOEY STYLES: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an action packed episode of Anarchy for you tonight, so we are cutting to the chase and getting right to the action! Happy holidays from Joey Styles and my broadcast partner, Joel Gertner!
JOEL GERTNER: I'm glad Christmas is over, Styles! Sliding down all those naughty women's chimneys and stuffing their stockings have left me exhausted! Haven't they ever heard of the refractory period?
JOEY STYLES: I choose to not acknowledge that. We're ready to kick things off with a big debut!
Just then, the sound of "Catholi-Funk" hits and the crowd direct their attention to the entrance way. After a few seconds, "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero makes his way through the curtain with a big grin on his face, and the crowd erupts into boos. Dinero steps through the curtain, wearing an extravagant fur coat and sunglasses, strutting down the aisle like he owns the building. He pauses halfway, arms spread wide, soaking in imaginary praise.
STEPHEN DeANGELIS: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Harlem, New York, weighing in at 235 pounds... "The Pope" D'ANGELO DINERO!
JOEL GERTNER: Joey, look at this guy... fur coat, shades, and a strut that could march straight through hell, slap the Devil, and come out the other side smelling like money. The Pope's not here for a match... he's here for a damn coronation!
JOEY STYLES: He certainly looks confident for his debut match tonight, but let's see if he can actually back it up in an ECW ring.
Dinero grabs a microphone as he climbs into the ring, carefully draping his coat over the top rope.
D'ANGELO DINERO: Well, damn! The heavens have parted and the Pope has descended into ECW to bring salvation... and collect offerings in the form of gold!
Dinero smirks as the crowd boos louder. He raises a hand to silence them.
D'ANGELO DINERO: Now, before I start handing out blessings, it is said that behind every great man is a great woman. Or in my case... women! Tonight, I want you all to meet three of the hottest mamas in town! Come on down girls!
He motions toward the entrance, and three elderly Vietnamese women shuffle out, wearing matching aprons and modest dresses.
JOEL GERTNER: Not... what I had in mind.
The crowd buzzes with confusion as Dinero continues.
D'ANGELO DINERO: This right here? This is Mai. She's been dry-cleaning my fur coats since the Vietnam War. Ninety years in the game and not a single speck of lint. Give it up for Mai!
He half-heartedly claps, then turns to the second woman.
D'ANGELO DINERO: And this lovely lady? Kim. My pedicure technician. Keeps these feet softer than a newborn's ass. Without her, I couldn't walk this fine line between greatness and perfection.
The third woman shyly waves as Dinero gestures to her.
D'ANGELO DINERO: And finally, this is Lin. You don't need to know what Lin does... Just know that it's expensive!
The crowd rains boos, but Dinero waves them off and speaks to the women in Vietnamese, making them stand at a ringside table to tend to his coat.
JOEL GERTNER: Joey, I don't know whether to be impressed or offended. Dinero brought his staff with him like he's hosting a damn spa day!
JOEY STYLES: I've seen a lot of strange things in ECW but this might top the list!
Matt Sydal shakes his head in disappointment as the referee calls for the bell.
Dinero fumed, snatching the coat away, but Sydal responded by pointing at himself and doing RVD's thumb-pointing taunt, since the moron thought he was in a tag team with him weeks ago. The crowd erupted as Dinero charged, only for Sydal to sidestep and send him crashing into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Sydal controlled the pace, grounding Dinero with a series of quick arm drags and a springboard leg drop. But Dinero turned the tide with a sneaky thumb to the eye, followed by a hard snap suplex.
Dinero took over, slowing the pace with stiff knee strikes and a backbreaker, taunting the crowd as the Vietnamese women clapped nervously from ringside. At one point, Dinero demanded one of them hand him a towel to wipe his brow before tossing it at Sydal's face to distract him. Sydal fought back, dodging a running clothesline and nailing a standing moonsault for a near fall. The momentum swung as Dinero countered Sydal's hurricanrana attempt into a sit-out powerbomb, nearly scoring the win.
Sydal mounted a comeback, landing a high kick that sent Dinero staggering into the ropes. He signaled for the Shooting Star Press and began climbing the turnbuckles as the crowd roared in anticipation...He lept off, but Dinero moved out of the way and delivered a shotgun dropkick that sent Sydal flying into the turnbuckle. Dinero followed in with the DDE and caught Sydal with the double knees! He crumbled and Dinero made the cover. 1 .. 2 .. 3!
WINNER: D'ANGELO DINERO
Dinero celebrates as the women at ringside cheer him on awkwardly. Just then, the ECW theme song hits and drawed some visible confusion from Dinero, who was celebrating his victory. Everyone's attention was directed towards the entrance way, and they erupted into boo's the second that Cyrus popped his head through the curtain.
JOEL GERTNER: Look who it is!
JOEY STYLES: Oh, what the hell does this jackass want?
Cyrus has a microphone in hand as the fans boo him relentlessly. D'Angelo Dinero looks confused by his presence, as he watches Cyrus the Virus enter the ring and approach him. Cyrus holds his hands up, showing that he means no harm to The Pope.
CYRUS THE VIRUS: Easy, your Holiness! Like the wise man that I am, I come bearing gifts!
JOEL GERTNER: Oh, coming while bearing gifts? I've never tried that before!
JOEY STYLES: What is wrong with you?
CYRUS THE VIRUS: D'Angelo - may I call you, D'Angelo, Pope? Thank you. D'Angelo, that was an impressive victory. You had the whole office glued to our monitor in the back. You see, being the office has its perks. I'm not just a man with a microphone; I'm a man with power. I make decisions that can shape the future of this company, and it just so happens that sometimes, I find myself holding the pen that writes the checks, makes the matches, and determines who gets the real opportunities! So here's the deal: After that spectacular victory tonight, it's clear to me - and it should be clear to everyone - that The Pope is no ordinary competitor. The Pope is broadcast gold! That's why I've decided, as part of my executive decision-making authority, that The Pope will officially enter the Broadcast Blitz - the most exclusive and grueling competition to determine the next ECW World Television Champion!
Pope is stoked as he nods his head in approval and demands the women at ringside do the same for him. The fans in the arean though? Well, they're not nearly as enthused and they're letting Cyrus know about it.
JOEY STYLES: How the hell does he have that power?
JOEL GERTNER: Who cares, Joey? All that matters is that Pope is now entered into The Broadcast Blitz and has an opportunity to become the new ECW World Television Champion!
Pope shakes the hand of Cyrus before taking his leave and demanding the timid women follow behind him. Cyrus takes this second to address the camera and continue speaking.
CYRUS THE VIRUS: Ladies and gentlemen, let's get one thing straight: I am the single greatest asset ECW has ever seen. Commentary? I knock it out of the park! Backstage interviewer? Sure, I'll get the scoop! You need a vision, I've got a third open wide open, baby! I'm not just great for business—I am the business! This company needs someone like me!
Just then, the crowd pops. Cyrus thinks the pop is for him...
CYRUS THE VIRUS: Finally you idiots show me the respect that I deserve!
...But it's not. It's because The Sandman just jumped the guard rail..
JOEY STYLES: Okay, now things are real interesting!
The Sandman, with a beer in one hand and a kendo stick in the other, is seething at the sight of Cyrus in the ring, who continues to blabber on about himself. The Sandman slides into the ring behind Cyrus and the crowd goes nuts. He pops open the beer and downs it as Cyrus turns around and looks as if he's seen a ghost. He throws his hands up and begs off .. but The Sandman blasts him with a shot right across the forehead! Cyrus crumbles!
JOEY STYLES: I don't care if Christmas was a few days ago, THIS is my Christmas gift!
Cyrus rolls out of the ring, clutching at his forehead and screaming in pain. The Sandman picks up the microphone and raises it to his lips.
THE SANDMAN: Well, since it seems like you jackasses are handing out entries to that Broadcast Blitz of yours like candy ... I guess I'll take this opportunity to announce that The Sandman is entering his name in the hat, and I'm gonna win the whole damn thing!
The Sandman throws the microphone down on the ground, as the static reverbs throughout the arena for a second. The crowd cheers loudly as Sandman demands more beer.
JOEL GERTNER: Can he do that? Is that offical?!
JOEY STYLES: If that idiot Cyrus can enter Dinero, then I don't see why The Sandman can't enter himself! That's two more entries to the Broadcast Blitz tournament where we are going to crown a new Television Champion!
